Sunday, 4 September 2011

Bloody Depression

Over the last few weeks I have been feeling more and more unwell and this is mainly due to the Whooping Cough I think, it has made us both very rundown and we are still coughing

Add to that the family problems which have dominated our lives over the last three months; My painful feet and the inability to now wear ANY shoes and my breathing is very laboured as I cannot take my inhaler. Energy levels are in the minus region and tears are always there ready to fall.

I wrote this poem this morning & thought I would share it with anyone who looks in.


Even in sleep I cannot find peace.

My mind is full of images I don’t want to see.

Also full of sounds I don’t want to hear.

Just let me sleep, sink into the soft blackness; be enveloped in the swirling liquid waters of tranquillity.

I don’t want to be awake. It is too painful.

Jumbled thoughts and worries going round and round.

Always growing, getting bigger. Like pebbles rolling, growing

Into boulders. Boulders which block the way.

Boulders which block the light.

There’s no escape. I’m trapped.

All I can do is repeat my mantra-

It will pass. It will pass.

Eventually it will pass.

It always does. You know it does.

What’s that? That voice deep in my head?

What are you saying?

Yes, I know – it just may not pass this time.

And then what?

Strangely, I have done a few drawings recently, three for a competition I enter every month. It does help to release the tension and dispels some of the blacker thoughts.

The subject this month was – “Eye Spy with my Little Eye” A scene through a window.

Here they are :-

I spy a prisoner.

                        THE PRISONER


Our Deck


Calpe balcony


In addition, school starts again tomorrow and Toby will be off to St, Cuthbert Mayne’s in Torquay. This means that we will not see him anywhere near so frequently, he will not be sleeping over and having his breakfast of Beans and scrambled eggs with Mike each morning. He will not be coming after school to enjoy his cup of tea and umpteen biscuits whilst he watches some American teen rubbish on TV. We are going to miss him so much.

Cheers Toby, wishing you lots of joy and happiness in your new school.


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1 comment:

  1. Oh dear, I think our bio-rhythms must be on the same wave length. I also have not been sleeping, feeling a bit blue, worrying about everything, suddenly having very uncomfortable dreams that when I wake I can't remember but still have that icky feeling. Hips hurting, ankles aching, headaches and I've been thinking about my sister lately, I miss her so. I'm sure that your whooping cough is bloody miserable, pardon my French and bound to make you feel low. Your creativity is a wonderful thing, such beautiful works of art. Your poem was so heart-felt, good to get things down like this you know. I should try it more myself. Good look to your handsome grandson at the start of his school year, and here's a big hug for you from across the pond. As you say, this too will pass :)


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